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Albert Wagner
July 16th 03, 11:26 AM
My son sent me this. Sorry if you have already seen it.

>
>
> Thought this might help us all with our diet/exercise plan!
>
>
>
> Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
> life. Is this true?
>
>
> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and
> that's it .... don't waste them on exercise.
> Everything wears out eventually.. Speeding up
> your heart will not make you live longer; that's like
> saying you can extend the life of your car by driving
> it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
>
> * * * *
> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
>
>
> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a
> cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
> So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism
> of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
> Eat chicken. Beef is also good source of field grass
> (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you
> 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable
> slop.
>
>
> * * * *
> Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
>
>
> A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables.
> As
> we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three
> categories:
>
> animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not
> animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that
> only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer
> and enjoy your liquid vegetables.
>
>
> * * * *
> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
>
>
> A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is
> one
> to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
>
>
> * * * *
> Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in
> a regular exercise program?
>
>
> A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy
> is: No Pain...Good.
>
>
> * * * *
> Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
>
>
> A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable
> oil.
> In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be
> bad for you?
>
>
> * * * *
> Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
>
>
> A: Thicker gravy.
>
>
> * * * *
> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little
> soft around the middle?
>
>
> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets
> bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a
> bigger stomach.
>
>
> * * * *
> Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
>
>
> A: Are you crazy? HELLO ..... Cocoabeans ... another vegetable!!!
> "It's the best feel good food around!"
>
>
> Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions
> you may have had about food and diets. Have a
> cookie... flour is a veggie! One more thing ...
>
>
> "When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of
> tequila and salt."

Dean
July 16th 03, 09:21 PM
dam, this was a good laugh! I'll have to forward this one on to some
buddies.

Dean
July 16th 03, 09:21 PM
dam, this was a good laugh! I'll have to forward this one on to some
buddies.

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